Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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