what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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