I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
