I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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