and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My vagina is officially offended.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
