my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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