She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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