Screwed.edu
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
