rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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