I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize