I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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