i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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