After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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