Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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