she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
