Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
