Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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