I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
