At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize