Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
