he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
third nipple confirmed
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
