Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
