I hate all girls vehemently.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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