My nipple is on Facebook.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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