Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
