If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
