i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
