you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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