We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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