he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
