When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My ass is underappreciated
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
