Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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