I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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