guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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