I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
