Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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