And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
