My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
