Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
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First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
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Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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