So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
