I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
