Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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