Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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