I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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