I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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