my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
