Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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