If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
