it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
