theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
