It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
