i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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