So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize