Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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