It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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