Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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