is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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