Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
