It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm determined to sit on that face.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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