I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
