Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize