I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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