I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
