So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize